Skill Guide: Giving Choices
Always keeping in mind
“Little choices for little kids, big choices for big kids”.
This means that a 2 year old cannot handle the same level of responsibility or consequence as an 8 year old. We want children to learn about the consequences of their choices in a way they can comprehend. If the choice is “too big” your child won’t understand the decision they are making or how the outcome related to the choice they made.
“Good choice”, “bad choice”, is language that has made its way into our schools and homes. I encourage families to view choices as they are, neither good or bad. A child’s choice will come with a consequence they will either like or not like and by labeling their choice ahead of time as good or bad, we are robbing them of the experience of learning about consequences and thinking ahead to the consequences of their decisions.
GIVING CHOICES
The Why:
· Teaching responsibility, decision making and problem solving skills.
· Empowering the child – children who feel empowered are more capable of regulating their own behaviour.
· Reduces the power struggles.
We also want to;
· Empower children by giving them credit for their decisions.
· Communicate to our child that they are competent.
There are 3 types of Choices
Empowerment Choices
Distractions Choices
Consequence Choices
Guidelines for Giving Choices:
· You are in charge of the parameters and the child is in charge of the choice. This means you deliver the choices in a neutral way, remember this is about your child learning how to make decisions and feeling empowered NOT about you tricking or coercing them into making the “right” choice.
Use the word CHOICE. When we use this word it is very clear where the responsibility lies.
· First practice giving Empowerment Choices, these are easy low consequence choices to build your child’s skills and understanding of consequences of their decisions.
Examples:
1. Empowerment choice – low consequence choices. These are choices that are good for practicing on. They have small consequences for the child’s decision, things like dressing, food choice, who gets in the car first.
Example- 2 year old James is getting dressed
“James you can choose the blue shirt or red shirt. Which do you choose?”
2. Distraction choices
Example- 3 year old Sarah does not want to take her medicine
“Sarah you can choose to have apple or orange juice with your medicine. Which do you choose?”
Notice how the medicine is a non-negociable but we are giving some power back to Sarah in a situation where she does not get a say.
3. Consequence choices;
Example- 5 year old Alice is playing with a ball inside the house
“ Alice you want to play with the ball inside. The ball is not for playing with in the house. You can choose to play the with ball outside”
If Alice chooses to continue to play with the ball inside you would move to an “If Then” choice (see Limit Setting).
Using choice language takes practice and can feel a bit awkward at first, but it is well worth the effort and you will see your children thrive with the added responsibility and the power they feel when given some freedom around their daily decisions.
References:
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
Landreth, G. L. (2002). Play therapy: The art of the relationship (2nd ed.). Brunner-Routledge.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
