Skill Guide: Reflective Responding

Reflective Responding

Reflective responding is a key skill and underlies the other skills of communicating effective choices and limits to our children.

This skill is also key for developing your child’s emotional vocabulary which helps them develop self-control and regulation so should not be overlooked.

When we reflectively respond to our children we identify the emotion they are expressing and reflect this back to them.

Reflecting Feelings

•    Child feels heard and understood

•    Builds emotional vocabulary - if you don’t say it neither will they.

•    Diffuses tension

•    Develops connection between thinking and emotional part of the brain.

Examples:

You’re proud of what you made

You’re excited we are having dessert.

You’re disappointed there isn’t time to play

You’re frustrated it’s not working

Reflect ALL feelings;

Be specific, accurate and avoid the basics – Happy, Mad, Sad and Scared

Important notes;

•    When your child is really upset wait until they are calm before talking about how they feel.

•    Keep it short and sweet

•    Think about your body language. There’s no point in saying all the right things if your body language is communicating the opposite. This will feel disingenuous to the child and they will not take on what you’re saying.

•    Practice makes perfect! This is a new skill for you, so will take time to feel and sound natural

References:

• Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.

• Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.

• Landreth, G. L. (2002). Play therapy: The art of the relationship (2nd ed.). Brunner-Routledge.

• VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.